Sunday, June 24, 2012

I'm Coming Around

I'm trying to hold it together, I know I've got to, for the sake of my family, and myself.  I recently suffered the loss of my younger sister.  I knew somewhat of the pain because as a teen, I lost my youngest sister.  My youngest sister suffered with chronic asthma she left us after a prolonged hospital stay.  It was devastating to say the least.  My whole family, I believe changed that day, my mom lost a part of her, in my dad was a still silence, my aunt who had one child, decided to have another child. The only way I could deal with it was to push it into a lost memory so as not to have to deal with the pain.

My younger sister that passed recently was a great mom, of 4 boys, had a loving husband and was a loving grandmother of four, 2 boys and two girls.  Upon reaching nineteen years old my sister moved away from home to New York with the dad of her first son.  Over the years my sister and I were both guilty of not keeping in touch as we should.  I don't know for sure how she felt when she left; but I really felt, like I kinda lost my sister. Anyway time passed and between phone calls  on each others birthdays and notes to each other online years passed.  

This time this call was not near a birthday, I just wanted to talk with my sister to see how she was doing, about the kids; as for sure we could talk about our children.  Well she was in the hospital had been in there for sometime, although she was laughing very heartily at every little funny thing I said.  I didn't ask on that call any questions, oddly.  I just decided to wait and let her say what she wanted to and when.  The next day I called and she again laughed and laughed we both did, she told me what the doctors said, and she said okay, Deborah love you goodbye.   

I think that is when my downward spiral began.  I was unable to I guess function, I was going through the movements but with no cause.  It was like just being numb, and I couldn't move from this place.  I started writing a blog, I started an online business, which these thing kept me afloat;  to sit down and do something, think, and manage, talk to people, etc. but not too close from afar.  I am thankful I had these two instruments at my disposal to push me through a rough period; but I realize now I could not of been fair to either one in the state, I was.  So I want to re-start if I may, at the true beginning of how this blog began and from where.  I'm coming around now!

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